The Axe Forgets, But the Tree Remembers: The Lasting Power of Your Words

I read a very emotional African proverb. It was small but very deep. “The Axe Forgets, But the Tree Remembers.”

An axe that can cut down 100 trees in a single day will certainly not remember which trees it chopped down. But every one of those 100 trees will never, for their entire lives, forget the axe. In the same way, we might have teased or put down some people with our words. We may have said things like, “You can’t do this,” or “You’ll never succeed.” Even if it was just a joke, we forget it in a few seconds. However, the person who heard it will remember it for life. They will never forget what you said. They won’t feel like sharing their goals publicly anymore. They might even give up altogether. You are the one who has silenced them today. It is always easy to be the axe, but it takes a lifetime to live like the tree. So next time, before you speak to someone, just ask yourself: “Am I going to be the axe, or am I going to care for this tree?”

Breaking Down the Powerful Metaphor

This ancient saying paints a vivid picture that separates the temporary action from the permanent scar. To truly understand its depth, let’s look at the two main characters in this story.

The Axe: The Unconscious Inflictor of Pain

The axe in the proverb represents anyone who uses words carelessly. Think of the axe’s characteristics:

• It is a tool of action: Words are the axe. They are used to cut, shape, and sometimes, to harm.
• It is impersonal: The axe doesn’t have a personal vendetta against the tree; it’s just doing its job. Similarly, people often throw hurtful comments without deep malicious intent—it’s “just a joke” or “just feedback.”
• It moves on quickly: After the cut, the axe moves to the next tree. It doesn’t linger on the damage it caused. This is how we easily forget a harsh comment we made, moving on with our day without a second thought.

The Tree: The Silent Keeper of Scars

The tree is the recipient of the words. Its experience is completely different.

• It bears a permanent mark: Every strike of the axe leaves a gash. Even if the tree heals, the scar remains in its rings forever. Negative words, especially about one’s abilities or character, become emotional scars.
• It is rooted in the experience: The tree cannot walk away. It must stand in the very spot where it was hurt. A person on the receiving end of criticism often replays the moment over and over in their mind.
• Its growth is altered: A deep cut can change the entire growth pattern of a tree. In the same way, a few harsh words can alter someone’s self-belief, making them hesitant to try new things or share their dreams.

Real-Life “Axe and Tree” Moments in the Modern World

You might not be literally chopping down trees, but you’ve likely been both the axe and the tree at different points in your life.

When You Were the Tree

Think back to your school days. Did a teacher ever say you were “not a math person”? Or did a parent casually dismiss your dream of being an artist? You probably still remember the exact words and the feeling that came with them. That’s you being the tree. In the workplace, a manager’s offhand comment like, “Your presentation skills need a lot of work,” can make an employee avoid public speaking for years, even if the manager meant it as constructive criticism and forgot about it five minutes later.

When You Were the Axe

Now, think of a time you might have been the axe. Have you ever:

1. Joked about a friend’s failed business idea?
2. Told your child to “be quiet” when they were excitedly telling you a story?
3. Doubted a colleague’s ability to lead a project based on a single mistake?

You likely didn’t mean to cause long-term harm. You were just “chopping wood”—getting through the conversation, making a joke, or giving quick feedback. But the person on the other end may have taken it to heart.

How to Be a Caretaker, Not a Lumberjack

The proverb’s power isn’t meant to make you paranoid about speaking. Instead, it’s a call to move from being a destructive force to a nurturing one. Here’s how you can care for the trees in your life.

• Practice Conscious Communication: Before you speak, take a brief second to ask the question from the proverb: “Am I being the axe or the caretaker?” This simple pause can filter out a lot of unnecessary harm.
• Water with Encouragement: For every piece of critical feedback, try to give multiple doses of genuine encouragement. Be the voice that says, “You can do this,” when someone is doubting themselves.
• Build a Fence of Trust: Create an environment where people feel safe sharing their ideas and goals with you. Be a guardian of their dreams, not a critic at the gate.

 

A Final Reflection: Choose Your Role Wisely

In life, we are constantly given a choice. We can be the axe, swinging through interactions without regard for the lasting marks we leave. It is, as the saying goes, the easier role. Or, we can choose to be the caretaker—the one who protects, nurtures, and understands that the scars we cannot see are often the deepest. The words you speak today are carving the story someone will tell themselves tomorrow. Make it a story of growth, not a tale of a wound that never fully healed.